Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
