I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
