party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
