Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
