if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
