This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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