New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize