i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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