Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
