no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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