I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
