summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
