I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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