Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
