bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
