I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
