Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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