It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
we're so committed to being not committed
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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