I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
