the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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