After last night, I could never be a politician.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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