i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
smell my finger.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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