I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
