dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
