someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize