Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
