You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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