Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The Olympian is in my bed
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
