he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hello my rib-scented angel!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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