Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
