how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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