My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
