Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
