Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Text me some of your sweat
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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