do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
