Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
