I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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