my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
