Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
