you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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