Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
