I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
