Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
