I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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