Kiss
Puke
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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