Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
