Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
