In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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