I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
