you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
