Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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