I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
