At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
