i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
