You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
