nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
only if we run a train.
done.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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