When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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