Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
