I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Farmville is her only friend.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
