I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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