I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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