filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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