But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize