i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
